Thats did not go the way I planned in my head....

 

 I had my very first social-emotional group last night. I am working with 3 kids ages 2.5-4. This is what it looked like last night after they left < Controlled chaos at best. The kids had fun! Don’t get me wrong. But, you put 3 kids in a room together and you are going to get some form of chaos. I will not mention any names on here due to hipaa. But, I just have to say, even though it was controlled chaos, there were so many improvements even on the first day. I saw the beginning of syllables such as muh for more, as well as signing "more". I saw sharing of a swing. I saw another little girl ask for a fidget to be opened by giving it to another little girl. The same girls went next to another kid to play with the pasta bin. She has not stood next to kids before. They all enjoyed playing with the toys, but there was some melting down the last 15 minutes due to the timing. Have  to remember that for next time. There were toys flying everywhere, and then being put away. There was pasta, happily being thrown up, and then being shown how to keep our "happy hands" down with the pasta. There was so much happiness in that room that even if it was chaos for the first day, I think it went really well. Kids did go away learning a couple of things even on the first day, which I did not expect. I had no expectations for the first day at all. I figured they'd just be getting to know each other. But, they exceeded my expectations, as most kids do. 

This is ADHD

 I have two kids with ADHD so I thought I would do a post on what ADHD looks like in our house. This is ADHD for us: 

• When you need sensory breaks in between your online classes just so you can concentrate a little bit longer
• When you have to go back to in person school because online school is way to distracting, what with being able to switch between apps, or doing any number of other things in your house. 
• When you can do your work upside down, but not sitting in a regular chair. Because sitting makes it too hard to concentrate. 
• When you need to run back and forth across the bedroom a few times to "get your energy out". 
• When you listen to a direction, but don't actually hear it. So, when someone asks you, "did you do X?" you say, "you never told me that." 
• When you can be in AP classes because you are definitely smart enough, but don't have the executive functioning skills to complete them online because, "oh I can go on youtube, oh there's a book I want to read, Oh I can do my math later, Oh look, it's snowing!, Oh I should go outside. Nooooo I cant do this homework, it's too boring. I can't focus on it right now." Yes, all of these things are executive functioning deficits related to lack of focus and lack of self-control. 
• When you hear other people talking, but can't help but interrupt because otherwise you will forget what you were going to say if you don't say it RIGHT NOW! 
• When you run outside in the snow in the middle of your school day without telling anyone because it's just so exciting, but you lack the self-control or awareness of danger to remember to tell an adult what you are doing. 
• When you are constantly on the move, whether it is moving around the house, school or just fidgeting with something. 
• When you are in in person school, you have to sit up near the teacher and have reminders to remain on task. 
• When you can focus on something you love for hours at a time, but something that is "boring" takes all you energy to complete. 
• When you have multiple tasks that you are working on at the same time. Or multiple projects because you like to do many things at once. But that doesn't mean you always get them all done. 

And just for an idea of what it actually LOOKS like 

New Year

 It's a new year, new beginnings. But, here we are, still in the midst of a pandemic. Maybe your kids have gone back to school, or maybe they are still e-learning. Or maybe you are doing some sort of hybrid schooling. Whatever the case may be, it's cold outside and we have been cooped up already for almost a year. For any kids this can lead to anxiousness, restlessness, and well, acting like they are going out of their minds. For kids with other needs, such as sensory processing disorder, or ADHD, you may feel like you are also going out of your mind with them looking like they are all over the place. Covid has led to not only death and illness from the disease, but also many more needs from mental health perspectives, as well as children not alway getting the services they would normally get in school. Such as occupational therapy, speech therapy and physical therapy. Just to name a few. What does Sensory processing disorder look like. Well, here is an infographic to explain it just al little. And this list is by no means exhaustive. 

As you can see, some kids are constantly on the move, constantly needing to jump or crash in to things. And without the outlet of gym class, recess, and other things that school may provide such as OT and PT, they may be having a harder time at home doing e-learning. Also, many things that kids may have had as an outlet, such as after school activities like karate, soccer, baseball, etc, have had to be shut down. So they are not getting their activities that way either. Kids that avoid may look a different way, such as having meltdowns over "nothing". Which is actually something in their mind. So, thats the difficult part about all of this. What can we actually DO about all of this? Well, there are some things that can still be done at home. Here are some calming tips from special mom advocate. There are many other things you can do in the home as well, to help your child if they are sensory seeking. An obstacle course can be fun, where they have to follow arrows (can use tape on the floor, or draw arrows on construction paper) up, down, over and under to get to a prize. Different animal crawls can help as a calming activity. Near crawls, crab walks, frog jumps,, there are so many that help as either calming activities or to get your child revved up for school, depending on what you are looking for. Now that we have snow (well, at least we do here in illinois) it can be fun to go outside and roll snow in to a ball to make a snowman. Rolling the snow, lifting it up and putting them together are all great heavy work items. Or shoveling snow if your child is old enough is also great heavy work. Provided they actually like that kind of thing. I have two kids who like to do that and one who absolutely hates it. Whatever you decide to do, hopefully some of these suggestions help so your kids aren't also climbing the walls. 

ADHD and the pandemic

 

7 months in and we are still in a pandemic. We have some schools that are fully in person, some are doing a hybrid model and some fully remote. Whatever the option, many kids are still struggling. Especially if they have any kind of diagnosis that requires a 504 or an IEP. In the spring it was mad chaos of trying to figure our how to get everyone online and fully remote. Teachers did their very best trying to get everyone on the same page, but honestly, even they were still trying to figure everything out. As consequence, some states had grades and tests not count towards the students grade at the end of that quarter. 

The fall is different. Everyone has (mostly) gotten their bearings, figured out this pandemic learning and how they are going to teach. So, now students are being graded and expected to stay in class, whether that class is fully online, hybrid or in person. This is good and bad. It presents some challenges to certain students and families. Lets specifically talk about ADHD. Kids with ADHD already have issues with executive functioning skills. What are executive functioning skills and why do they matter, you ask? Glad to help! Here is an article from additude magazine explaining just that Executive Functioning. When kids are in person, they have many supports written in to a 504 or IEP, such as sitting next to a teacher, having frequent checks that they are doing their work, asking them to hand in their work, extra time to do their work, etc. Not all of these transfer over to an online format if that is what your child is doing right now. And this can make for a very frustrating year! 

What is different during online learning and how can this go wrong? Well, lets see...With online learning, students have to have organizational skills as well as be able to focus without interruptions and without impulsively looking at something else like going to another tab like YouTube or looking at a book, etc. They need to have the ability to manage time. They are in their own house, so it is very easy to get caught up with going to get some food, see something interesting and forget that they have to log back on to the computer, whereas in the school they had 5-7 minutes to get to class before a bell rang notifying them they were late.  It is MUCH different than being in a real classroom. And yet, I get the enormous pressure teachers are under to cater to ALL the different styles of teaching they have to do. And I get that there also are tons of different kids who have tons of different needs. Recently I was talking to a mom who said that her child was having a lot of difficulty staying in class and she got an email telling her that his grade went from a B to a D because he didn't stay in class or finish any of the work. Come to find out (he's 9) she had no idea he wasn't finishing the work because there was no communication about that and he was telling the teacher it was too hard and all the teacher would say is "if you focus it wouldn't be." He has severe ADHD. Lack of focus is part of his problem as is impulsivity. He gets bored, he turns off Zoom. And mom works during the day, at home. She is not always there to watch him every second. Mom told the teacher that online learning is really difficult for him due to his ADHD, but he is trying. The teacher went on to say, "online learning has been shown to be easy for everyone and has proven benefits." Now, clearly this is not true. There are many students that are struggling with this. How do we help them? How do we make it easier for them to succeed? 

One thing we can do is ask for more online learning friendly accommodations in the IEP or 504 plan. Currently, the only accommodations in my daughters' plan are "teacher check in throughout the day particularly during independent work time" "Abby will keep her camera on" "teacher reminder to turn in work" ""homework calendar updated weekly that parent can access" "teacher reminders  to go re-check work". Yet, despite these, my daughter failed to turn in work for over a month. So, something is happening that she is losing focus, her impulsivity is making it harder to do her work and she is not self-motivated. So now, we are way behind and playing catch up. She was impulsive and had a lack of focus in person, this is true, it's why we got the 504 in the first place. BUT, she turned in her work and had good grades. So, we can see there is a change. But, in a pandemic we need to keep everyone safe, so she is still at home. How do we help her, and children like her to either get their grades up, keep their grades up, or not lose hope?

One thing parents can do at home is having timers and rewards. So, when the timer goes off at the end of class, give a movement break, give a little fidget, anything to help get them moving a little bit since they are mostly sitting in front of a screen all day. Kids with ADHD also have trouble with intrinsic motivation, so sometimes extrinsic motivation will be needed to get them started with self-motivation. This can be whatever you decide. Little toys from the dollar store, a handful of M&M's for finishing all their homework or staying in class the whole time, it's really up to you and your family. Another thing you can do is chunking assignments. So, if your child is like mine and missing a ton of assignments, having them break them up in to chunks so they don't freak out and say "OMG I have HOW MANY assignments to finish?!? I'll never be able to do that!" and just shut down. Chunking the assignments in to bites of 3-4 or however many you think your child can handle will make it more manageable. And this can work even if your child has no missing assignments, but usually gets a lot of homework, or the homework they get is really long. Break it down in to answering 3-4 questions, take a 5 minute movement break and answer 3-4 more. It may seem like it will take a lot longer this way, but, it beats the "I can't do this so I won't even try!" battle. And now is the time for a lot of positive praise for the assignments they DO finish! The other thing you can do is find out where their interests lie, and if they are having a lot of trouble with a subject, see if you can incorporate their interests in to that subject to show they have mastered it. For instance, if your child has trouble writing, but loves to talk, have him do an oral presentation to show what he learned, or a podcast, or pretend he is a radio host. If your child loves art, have him draw an artists rendition of his interpretation of what is going on in a story they learned about. These are just a couple of ways that you can alternate the homework, but still show mastery. And these can all be incorporated in to an IEP or 504.

As I said, Executive functioning skills are hard for kids with ADHD. But, there are ways to accommodate for them whether at home or in school, or if you are doing a hybrid option. We are all going through a massive change right now, no one likes any of these options. One thing I have found helpful is helping my daughter prioritize which assignments need to be done right away, with need to be done soon, and which can wait a day or two. This also helps her not be overwhelmed and helps her finish more work. And the teachers have noticed her progress and have started praising her more, which gives her some of that extrinsic rewards, which hopefully will transfer over to becoming intrinsic eventually and she will want to finish it for the reward of being successful. What have you found to be helpful for your child with ADD/ADHD? 

Why wait?

 

Many times, parents that I help are concerned that their kids are not speaking, or are not speaking in sentences that are understandable enough to get their needs met. Let me stop right here and say, I am not a speech therapist. I have worked with many great speech therapists and speech therapy assistants over the years and learned a lot from them, but when there is a speech concern for any of my kiddos, I call in the experts. That is their field. That being said, I do work on language during play with kiddos. Especially social language. We also work on language to get needs met such as either using signs, or words like "help" "want" "more" "all done" etc. Using language during play, talking about what children are doing is something that comes natural to me, but doesn't always come natural to everyone else. And I am also a talker when playing with children, so when I learned about expectant wait times, it was something new to me too. 

Expectant waiting is when you say something to the child (or person you are talking to) and give them time to process the information and respond. This can take any amount of time you feel the child may need but usually we start with about 10 seconds which when you think about it seems like nothing, but when you put it into practice feels like a really long time! And when you have parents that are also talkers (which is nothing bad at all! As I am a talker as well, and exposing a child to language is always a good thing!) having them slow down and wait for a child to process the information that they have given, and answer a question or respond to a command, can be difficult at first. I know it was a little hard for me at first too! 

Children who have any kind of speech delay, receptive or expressive, or are hard of hearing, will especially need wait time to process information or questions that you ask of them. When we ask questions of our younger children, I like to try to phrase it in smaller bites "you want milk?" "give me ball." "go get doll." while they are still working on learning to answer questions or follow directions. Then as they get better responding to these directives, start to expand the language. "Do you want your ball?" "Go get your doll." "Give me your blue block." Starting with longer requests can work, but if they are getting frustrated because they don't understand or are having a harder time processing too many words, breaking them down in to smaller chunks may help them have an easier time processing and giving an answer or responding to your request. And giving the time they need, even if it feels like a really long time for you, will help your child have decreased frustration levels and everyone will be happier as your child learns to express themselves and get their wants and needs met. 

*Again, these are things that have worked for me as a Developmental Therapist, having worked in EI for 8 years. I have worked alongside many great speech therapists, and speech therapy assistants, but always refer my kids to speech therapists when there is a speech concern. 

Getting ready for school

 How does school look for you this year? For us, all 3 of my kids are starting online. Which I, personally could not be happier about right now. I have been hearing so many reports of kids going back to school and being sent home the first day with civid. Or just in our school district, they haven't even started and there is a case of covid at one of my kid's schools. We are fortunate that our kids are able to do online school while I and my husband work from home. I am able to make my job flexible enough that I can help out all 3 kids and take an hour here or there to also do my work via zoom, or once or twice a month see a kid in their home. I understand not everyone has that ability. Nor does everyone have the patience for it. Many people have to work right now and are unable to be there while their kids do online schooling. Making it impossible for their kids to get any work done. It's a difficult situation all around. The teachers can only work so many hours in a day. But parents may not be home until 4-6 pm in order to help their children. And in the instances of younger children or children with executive functioning issues, that means school is not getting done. At lest not until the parents are home. And by then everyone is exhausted. It is a very difficult situation this year. I think the best we can do is concentrate on making sure everyone is healthy, both mentally and physically, and feels loved and appreciated (teachers, parents, and kids), and try to get a little leaning in there as well ,while respecting it may not look the same for all families. I've set up some cozy corners with what space we do have in our house. Admittedly we do have a lot more space that our old house, but not a ton to make a whole school room. But, this is just an idea of what we have done with some of our space with the items that we have. And I know that all the kids teachers will likely give is more stuff to include as well. I also have items to supplement learning as need be if the stuff they are learning is too hard and we need to take a step back to re-learn some things. Because lets be honest, last spring was hard! It was hard on teachers figuring everything out. It was hard on parents figuring everything out. And it was hard on the kids just trying to muddle their way through. We may need to review a few things. And that is perfect OK! 

Changes

How do you feel about changes? Do they make you excited? Or do they make you anxious? For me, change always makes me kind of anxious. Any change really, whether it's rearranging something in my room, or something big like my daughter starting high school next year, (not this year. Phew! The 2021/22 school year). So, needless to say, the changes in the past 5 months (has it really only been 5 months?? it feels like 5 years!) have brought about their own anxiety for me. We went from being in school in February, my middle daughter at Natures classroom at the beginning or March, to her coming home and full blown pandemic and all online school. We muddled through and made it. 2 of my kids did better than the other one. One is not great at online schooling due to executive function issues. But we made it to summer break. And we thought, "ok, we did it! We made it through. Now we will enjoy the summer, (even though we couldn't go much of anywhere due to still quarantining most of the time because of my son's heart transplant.) But we still went and did things like bike rides, walking in the forest preserves and thought, we would be going back to school in some form in the fall. 

That idea brought with it it's own set of anxiety. Do I send all 3 kids to school? Do I just send my girls to school? Do I keep all of them home and do remote learning? Would that even be an option. Needless to say, I overthought about this  lot during the summer before the school districts even came up with their options. I kept thinking I had the right answer and would see someone else online saying something that made me think I was making the wrong choicer, no matter which choice it was. 

Finally my oldest daughter's school came out with their option A/B schedule with online learning 3 days of the week. Which made it easier, sort of, to decide what to do with my younger two. I would put them in their private Montessori on the same days as their older sister, and this would minimize risk. But still, I kept overthinking should I even have my son go to school at all? Maybe I should have him stay at home? Again, I would see things online saying I was wrong either way I thought about it. 

Then, my oldest daughters school came out with their new schedule. All remote learning until at least October 30, and they would reassess then.  Well, this made it a lot easier for me. All 3 kids would stay at home. With the possibility of my middle daughter going to school at the end of September. So, I started getting things ready for my son, since I knew I would need to have some things for him to do during the day. His teacher is, after all, teaching 5 days a week. It's hardly fair to expect her to teach him during the evening as well too. Though he is going to be able to go in his class remotely some days to get the classroom experience. But, I am also going to substitute some of his learning as well so he can keep up. My middle daughter is going to have stuff that I will pick up to help her learn at home and she will go in to the class remotely some days as well. But I have stuff to substitute her learning as well just in case. 

Why do I mention any of this? Because we all have doubts. Everyone is out here trying to figure out what to do with their kids right now. Working parents, stay at home parents, part time working parents. We are all in this together trying to figure out what will be the best option for out kids. And whether that is remote learning, hybrid option or full day in class, what you pick is what is best for YOUR family. Let my overthinking be a lesson to you so you don't go through what I did. Pick what you think will be the best for your child, for the health ands well being, and go with that, and don't look at comments on facebook, twitter, instagram or whatever else that are talking about how this one is better than that one. You know what is best for your child. You are their best advocate. And even if they don't like the option you may pick for them, in the end, it's only one year.Yes, it may be senior year, or 8th grade year, or some other special year. But only you and your family can decide what is best and right for your family. 

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